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Why Twilight is better than The Hunger Games

Once I found out that the dystopian young adult novel series The Hunger Games was being compared to Stephenie Meyer’s The Twilight Saga, I was beyond offended. How could they compare such a great work of genius to a piece of garbage that does not deserve to be called literature? So, on April 1st, I am going to sit down and explain to you why exactly Meyer’s novels are superior to the toilet paper that is The Hunger Games.

Katniss is not a well written protagonist. She’s stubborn, impulsive, and violent. Everyone knows that the only acceptable flaws for a female protagonist to have is clumsiness, and even then, it must be treated as if it’s cute. They must also be feminine and well read. Katniss hunts in the woods illegally and is never seen reading classic literature. How are we supposed to know that she knows how to use her brains to get men? We don’t, because Katniss is an idiot with no actual skills.

Also, the movie made Katniss even worse. Jennifer Lawrence is a horrible actress, and her skill does not come close to matching that of Kristen Stewart. Stewart’s bland facial expressions required the script to tell me what was going on. Lawrence’s portrayal of every emotion of Katniss’ left me super confused. Since when are protagonists supposed to have thoughts?

The love triangle in The Hunger Games also leaves much to be desired. Neither Gale nor Peeta is a good match for Katniss. Gale tells Katniss too many things. She spent the entirety ofMockingjay knowing what District 13 wanted her to do. Gale didn’t do nearly as good of a job as he should have of hiding information from her. Peeta, meanwhile, has his own flaws. He spends most of his life watching Katniss from a distance. How are we supposed to believe his crush when he doesn’t even watch her sleep?  I mean, we’re supposed to interpret a loaf of burnt bread as “romantic” and “generous”? MAYBE if it was a cake that was in decent shape, but burnt bread is not a decent gift.  Edward is a better boyfriend than both of them because not only does he not respect Bella’s wishes. He also hovers over her for her own safety. Collins does not acknowledge that women are simply incapable of making their own decisions. This is why we have so many problems in society. Not only are there now more female protagonists in the media, but they also perpetuate the stereotype that women don’t need a man to protect them. How untrue!

The love triangle isn’t even the focus of the series. It’s behind some political bullcrap about government. Does it look like I care? I don’t care what my government does or how it treats me. I just want to watch the drama unfold. And isn’t that what The Hunger Games is really about? How awesome it is to watch conflict between people and not do anything else?

Filed under April Fools The Hunger Games Twilight THG Katniss Everdeen Peeta Mellark Gale Hawthorne